Dedham Vale Network

When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving
advice, you have not done what I asked.

When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell
me why I shouldn’t feel that, you are
trampling on my feelings

When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have
to do something to solve my problem,
you have failed me, strange as that may seem.

Listen! All I asked was that you listen, not talk or do-
just hear me

Advice is cheap

And I can do for myself: I’m not helpless. Maybe
discouraged and faltering, but not helpless.

When you do something for me that I can and
need to do for myself, you contribute
to my fear and weakness.

BUT, when you accept as a simple fact that I do feel
what I feel, no matter how irrational, then
I quit trying to convince you and can get
about the business of understanding what’s
behind this irrational feeling. And when
that’s clear, the answers are obvious and I
don’t need advice.

Irrational feelings make sense when we understand
what’s behind them.

So, please listen and just hear me. And, if you want to
talk, wait a minute, for your turn and
I’ll listen to you.

Author unknown